Secrets and Lies
by Bera-Moon
Summary: Abby has a secret which she does not want Carter to find out about. What happens when he does? Slightly AU
1. He's Back

**Secrets and Lies**

**I have kept this one for a while, but now I think I want to post it. Tell me what you think and if I should continue. I know I have changed Abby, but I think she took Kem and the child a little too nicely for someone who was madly in love with Carter. This may get heavy later on, so a PG13 restriction applies.**

**This will not follow the structure of the show, but my own plot. I apologize if I don't use the right terminology.**

**Enjoy!**

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It has been 12 days since he has come back, someone by his side. Although I guess she isn't someone, she's the mother of his child, the love of his life (although I could soooo dispute that), the light in his life. But what about me? Don't I get a factor in this estranged problem? Obviously not, because here I am sitting **by myself** in the lounge, while everyone else mingles outside, each wanting to know about his trip. Do they not remember that not too long ago I was dropped by means of a letter? No phone call, no email...no a letter. The most degrading thing a person can be served. But you know what. I'm ok with that. He can have his _thing_, jeez if need be I wish him well.

Susan enters and I see the guilt on her face. She doesn't want to be happy that he is back; I know she is trying to be on my side, but she has been friends with Carter longer, that I know she feels she has ties to him. I would really love to turn away and run right now, but something deep inside keeps me here. Maybe it is the need for someone to talk to me, or maybe I just want to be around.

I mean, nobody knows my secret. When I started Med School I took a transfer to another hospital, which was perfect because it coincided with something I never thought would happen. It turns out, John isn't just going to be the father of that _things_ child, - he already has one. A little girl, who is at the moment sleeping peacefully under the watchful eye of her grandmother (who once she found out I was pregnant calmed down, and is now almost perfectly normal). Her name is Sarah, and she is almost 2 months old, and is the only real thing I have in my life.

Anyway, back to Med School. I trained partly in Seattle, my tummy growing bigger by the day. Nobody asked any questions, I don't think they were game to. The one thing I had during my pregnancy was horrid mood swings. One second I would be happily chatting with a patient, the next second I was yelling at a nurse. Of course, as soon as Sarah was born, I moved back here. It was important, that she grew up in a safe environment, and I felt safe here, plus the hospital knew me. Of course I was not finished with Med School, so I enrolled here, and transferred again.

Life was great for a little while. I was working, studying and taking care of my daughter. But it didn't last long. _He_ came back. Came back as happy as ever, with a pregnant bitch on his arm. And me? Well I'm supposed to just sit here, and act like nothing has happened. Well the bitch has another thing coming. If she thinks, I am going to let my daughter take back seat to her child, than she is wrong. No, my daughter will know who her father is, and what he has done, but I won't tell him. Let him find out for himself. Let him decide which person he likes best.

Harsh aren't I? If there is one thing I have learnt from life, it's that it sucks. The only way to survive is to close yourself from everyone. Well, everyone will see happy stable Abby, and only my beautiful baby girl will see the real me – the happy fun Abby. It will be her privilege. Besides, she didn't exactly choose Carter as her father. I can't really blame her.

Susan has just left again. Maybe one day, she'll be the only one to know about Sarah. But for now it will be my little secret.

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**Oh and review please!**


	2. Meetings and Conversations

**Yay! I have started the second chapter! This one is still first person, and is still Abby. **

**Same disclaimer and restrictions apply!**

**Enjoy!**

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I suppose it is time I made my exit from the lounge. I can't really stay there forever, not when i'm sure I have a hoard of patients I am supposed to be attending to right now. I can't really avoid society because my baby's father is back in town. People will begin to get suspicious if I keep running away. The last thing I need is for everyone to question why I am so hesitant to be around Carter. Then they will all find out my secret, and Carter will most likely want to take my baby away.

Slowly standing, I shuffled to the door. Inching it open, I took notice of the quietness surrounding the normally busy ER. I guess it's kind of ironic, that on the one day I need it to be busy, its not. Fully emerging, I kept my head down and headed to the reception area. Noticing the lack of patients, I jumped slightly when Carter's voice called from somewhere nearby.

"Abby!"

I cringed. Great. What I really needed right now was an uncomfortable meeting between Carter and his _thing._ Spinning I planted a smile on my face and slowly walked towards them. He was looking a little worse for wear than the last time I saw him. Looks as though the Congo hadn't really agreed with him. Can't blame him though, Carter would always be a city boy at heart.

"Abby! This is Kem." Carter proudly showed her to me. To be honest she was kind of pretty, but that frame would need some work. How did she think she was going to carry a baby when she was that skinny?

"It's a pleasure to meet you." I didn't try and keep the frostiness out of my voice. I was not going to pretend to be happy, when the man before me had dumped me by letter, and was now trying to act as if nothing had happened between us.

"So...how are you?" Kudos for Carter trying to start a conversation, but I'm not really into a conversation right now. Most likely all I'll do is upset somebody, and have to try and explain my way out of it.

"I'm in Med School. I finish in a couple of months." It's amazing how smoothly that sentence escapade from my mouth, considering I didn't even want to talk at the moment. Carter looks proud. Ok, I wasn't expecting proud.

"Congratulations!" He sounds almost sincere. I watch as a flicker of hurt flashes across the _things_ face. Looks as though she's feeling a little left out. Good. "I don't know if you've heard, but we're having a baby! We just found out it's a boy!" He looks so happy, I almost feel bad for how cold I've been. Almost.

He hands me the sonogram he must have just had done, and I quietly stare at it. Sarah was much bigger at the stage their baby is at. I feel a surge of pride that my baby was bigger. "Cute." I mumble and hand the picture back.

Carter shuffles his feet. "Well we had better go."

I nod. "Yeah, I've got work to do." I turn as Luka comes over. Raising my eyebrow at him, I hastily made my way out of reception and back into the lounge. Might as well take advantage of the quietness.

I don't know how long I am sitting there before the door opens and Luka walks in. I keep my eyes trained on the weather outside the window and avoid any eye contact. Just when I thought I was fully over everything Carter did to me, he has to come back and complicate everything. I turn my head slightly as Luka sits down beside me.

"Are you ok?"

I consider his question for a long time before answering. I don't think I am ok. I think I'm at the stage where nothing is ok, where everything is a blur of bad, on a rollercoaster of even more bad. "How long was it before those two got together?" Somehow I find my voice and whisper the question I'm not sure I want the answer to.

"Four months – when he went back the second time." I can hear the sorry in Luka's voice. I know he feels bad.

"Then what, did he get her knocked up straight away?" That part still confuses me. He must have got her pregnant right away for her to have a sonogram where you can actually see the baby.

Luka shrugged. "Looks like it." Standing he briefly squeezes my shoulder before leaving the room.

**(Fast forward to after a trauma)**

I didn't expect him to wait around with me. I figured he would want to high-tail it out of there as fast as he could. Guess I was wrong. I start packing things up when Carter joins me. I sigh softly.

"I'm glad you're back at Med School." He comments softly. I'm not sure why he was so quiet.

"Yeah, I am too." I smile briefly.

Carter looks at me for a moment before looking away. "You seem happy."

I'm not sure whether that was to reassure me or himself of my "supposed" happiness. I smile. "Right back at ya!"

"Um Abby – are we ok? You know, friendship-wise?" He looks to hopeful it would be such a shame to ruin it.

I sigh again. "Yeah, we're ok." He looks relieved. What was he expecting me to go crazy at him? Maybe I should.

"Good. So would you like to have dinner with Kem and me?"

I watch him closely. "We're not **that** ok." I turn and leave him with that comment. He can decide what it means, because I have sure had a hard day and I would love nothing more than to go home and cuddle my baby girl. Its days like these I'm glad I have her. I don't know what I'd do if I didn't.

I'm grateful my day is over. Casting a brief look over my shoulder, I sighed. Tomorrow I'd be back here again for another day of torture. Great.

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**WOOHOO, I finally finished chapter two. I must admit it is a challenge writing it all in first person. I'm more of a third person kind of gal, so perhaps I may change my style on the next chapter. I may skip a few episodes from here, as I want to focus on Abby getting rather "upset" over Kem. **

**Please review...and stay tuned for the next Chapter!**


	3. Crying

**Ok so here is the third chapter of Secrets and Lies. I have left out the little tidbit about Carter paying Abby's fees, although I was eternally grateful that he did it, I didn't mention it, though I may use it later on. Ok, this is short, and is not the introduction I know you want, but never fear it will be in the next chapter!**

**OMG, major thanks to all those who reviewed...I am so thankful for all your comments and it spurred me on to spend more time on this...thanks again...you guys rock like gravel!**

**So here it is:**

**Crying**

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She's here again. Ok, so she is here to see Carter, but does she have to take up unwanted space? I'm not one for being unintentionally rude, but if she doesn't vacate the space I need to move into, I am going to have to say something. To my complete and utter astonishment, she moves, well shuffles really to sit in Frank's chair. How many times have I done that and received a mouthful in return. I guess he likes her, either that or he's brain is malfunctioning.

Slipping into the spot she was standing moments before, I lowered my bundle onto the counter. Stretching my sore muscles, I checked once again to make sure I had everything. Why last night I had decided to take some work home was beyond me, but thankfully Maggie had rescued me from my beautiful baby, who has decided that food is not something you eat, it's something you throw up all over Mommy's much needed work. Checking once again that I had managed to clean up all the milk, I sighed.

Being a mom was great and all that, but I was glad Maggie had come to help. It seemed Sarah was the key to her new survival. She was constantly taking her meds, and regularly visiting her doctor, she was the complete opposite to the person I grew up knowing. And then there is Eric. He's decided that if he wants to watch his niece grow up, he needs to change (which I whole heartedly agree with), so he is thinking about moving here to be closer to her. So I am now in the process of looking for a much larger apartment, which I should be able to maintain, for with my wage, Eric's wage and then what my mother gets we should be able to get something pretty decent.

Opening a web page on the computer, I scanned the screen. There was limited room in my apartment as it was, and judging by the silent pleas Neela was sending my way, I'm sure she is about to ask if I have a spare room, which would not only mean telling her that I have a four month old daughter, but that my two relatives who both have Bi-Polar are living us. As you can tell it's not exactly on my list of priorities at the moment. So here I am looking at the market for a nice modest house, perhaps something close by.

"What are you looking at houses for?" I jumped at the intrusion on my thoughts and spun around to face the person who had surprised me.

"My apartment is too small. My mom and Eric are moving in, I need more room." I watched as concern flitted across his face, to quickly be replaced by a cool demeanor.

"Eric and your mother? I trust they are on their meds?" Carter frowned again.

I nodded. "They are. In fact they are practically new people. I'm quite proud at how far they have both come." I turned back to the screen and hastily closed the page, the less he knew about what I was doing, the less I had to try and explain myself. Although why I had to explain myself at all was a strange mystery, but as long as he was distracted with my family, he would not have time to calculate just why they were staying with me in the first place. Now he can focus on the baby he's having with _her_ and leave me out of this.

A few minutes later, I checked over my shoulder, happy that he had decided to drop the subject but at the same time, my heart breaking slightly at what he was doing. He was down on his knees, his face pressed into _her_ stomach, obviously talking to the baby. I felt unnecessary tears form in my eyes. I should feel nothing, but I'm hurting. He should have been here to do that with me. He should have talked to my baby, embarrassed me in front of everyone. NOT her.

A strangled sound must have sounded from me, for the next thing I knew, the whole lobby was staring strangely at me. Hiding my face, I dropped the file in my hand and ran. Crashing into the ladies bathroom, I locked myself in a cubicle, and cried. I don't think I have ever cried so much in my life. I cried for me and the stupid feelings I still had for the jerk. I cried for my baby who would miss out on her father, when he had the boy I know he so desperately wants. I cried for him most of all. For the fact that I doubt he'll ever know the baby girl I have, we have. When he's paying so much attention to a baby that isn't even born, how is he going to have time for his other child?

Staring down at my hands I came to a mutual decision. I would have to tell him about Sarah. I would have to tell him soon, because time was running out. For all I knew, _she_ might drag him back to wherever _she_ came from and leave us behind. Wiping my face, I stood up and squared my shoulders. I would leave it for today, but tomorrow he's going to get the shock of his life.

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**Phew...there it is...the third chapter. Ok, so I know it doesn't exactly reveal much, but I wanted to build up to the introduction. It's going to be after a trauma where a little girl is hurt. Shortly after that I think I'll have Kem lose the baby (after they get a house...) harsh aren't I? But then Carter will have to decide who he wants more. Kem (who is the connection to his lost son) or Abby (who has his baby girl, and who really is the love of his life – only he doesn't know it!)**

**So who do you think he should choose?**

**Please review**

**Cheers,**

**BeraMoon**


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